just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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