i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
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