I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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