I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
