u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
