Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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