She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
