if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
