Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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