call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
