for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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