Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
