yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
