while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
