I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
