My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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