Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Randomize
