I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Sorry my hands just texted you
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
