this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
