so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
