Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
