The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
