Sponge bath it is.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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