so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
