she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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