I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
