so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
