we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
