Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
