Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
