roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
