around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
