Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
