Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
