I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
