I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
