god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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