I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
just tell him i said nine months
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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