hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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