I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
