ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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