I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
