This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
