I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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