He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
