He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
