You smell like stripper and shame
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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