My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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