i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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