dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Can I color on your dick again?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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