You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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