well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So much rum. So many feels.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
