I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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