So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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