at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
