Nicole vs. Life
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I have aggressive nipples.
Randomize
