So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
