Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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