My girlfriend figured out who you are.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
