I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
