I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
