it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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