I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
lets start a swedish sibling band together
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
